100 When I Was Growing Up Stories
Too Big for Your Britches
Prompt#14 Feeling Shame
Michael was the kindest and smartest boy in my second-grade class. But, unfortunately for Michael, he had a speech disorder. His stutter was a cause of aggravation for our teacher Mrs. Cutting when he struggled to answer her questions.
Like myself, Michael was too terrified to interrupt our teacher’s lesson by raising his hand and asking permission to go to the bathroom. So, one day, it wasn’t a great surprise to see a puddle of pee forming around Michael’s feet and running across the uneven surface of the classroom floor.
When Mrs. Cutting discovered this, she began screaming at Michael, calling him a stupid, stupid boy. Shaming was prevalent in schools and at home when I was growing up.
Parents often try using shame to control their children’s behavior when they are feeling particularly frustrated and overwhelmed.
Even though my parents resorted to using shame less frequently than many of our cousins’ and neighbors’ families, we still felt shame’s sting.
Even a little shaming can impact a child, making them feel diminished. However, two things my parents said to me created an inner voice that I can sometimes hear, even after all these years.
I remember my parents calling me a flibbertigibbet when I was animated, jumping around the room, laughing, and acting silly. I didn’t even know what the word meant, but I assumed it wasn’t good from my parent’s tone. I attempted to curtail this behavior so as not to displease my parents and fit into their expectations of me.
Flibbertigibbet isn’t a common word. I don’t recall it being on any of my weekly vocabulary tests, so I didn’t look up the definition until many years later. Not surprisingly, the Oxford Dictionary states that a flibbertigibbet is a frivolous, flighty, or excessively talkative person.
I don’t believe any of these three words describe my adult personality. Did being shamed when I exhibited these behaviors as a child influence my adult personality? Would I have grown up to be a carefree extrovert? Doubtful, I’m sure. However, I might not have an inner voice that tries to shut me down when I get “too” boisterous.
Shaming will crush a children’s natural exuberance.
I also knew that I had stepped over some invisible line when my dad would tell me that I was “getting too big for my britches.” He would say this when I was acting “bossy” and standing up for myself. I interpreted this as my dad’s belief that I was becoming too full of myself, too assertive.
My dad was a kind and caring man. However, observing him with adult eyes, I realized that he struggled in relationships with assertive women. Likely, my dad wasn’t even aware of this attitude. I can only assume that it was a behavior that he didn’t like seeing in his daughters.
I am sure I was in no danger of becoming “big-headed.” Because any self-confidence I had going into school was pretty much knocked out of me by the fourth grade. Telling a child that they are getting too big for their britches is not something you should say to any child, especially not to a girl with low self-esteem.
So, today I’ve decided that I am going to buy a REALLY BIG pair of britches. I hope they won’t fall off when I’m frolicking around the cabin doing my flibbertigibbet dance.
With Love & Energy by the Pond,
Laurel
